If My Life Were A Book Part 4

Also Available: Part 1, Part 2, and Part 3

Alien Construction
Introduction
Finding myself pregnant was a huge surprise. Given the miscarriage I’d had my first year of college to say I was apprehensive to the point of denial might as well go unsaid. My first symptoms arose after having been working the evening shift at the gas station and working full time during the week. I was also pulling 24 hour Fridays as I went from the office job to the night shift at the gas station for the weekends. I came home and fell into a deep sleep upon my leather couch during a record heat wave. I started feeling sick to my stomach and vomiting uncontrollably from that day on. I thought I had sun poisoning or heat stroke.
Closing
It was with the influence of my employer and his wife I decided to keep my son instead of putting him up for adoption as his father and I had decided. The manipulation of my most intimate fears was key in my agreement on the subject, and every day my child grew inside me, I felt I died just a little more because it meant our good bye was so much closer. Breaking the news of my alteration to our plans was a predictable disaster, but I was at peace knowing my babe would be in my arms instead of a stranger’s.

1 of, and or, 2
Introduction
Full bellied with babe, or at least so I felt, showing though I was I looked like the average overweight young American adult instead of my skinny self. I remember very little of the conversation my son’s father and I had, quite honestly. I had expected him to be unhappy, which he was, I expected him to be manipulative, which he also was, but I did not expect him to be making demands of me. He said to me “it’s either me or the baby” to which I replied, slowly and tearfully, “then it’s the baby”.
Closing
My son’s father and I were not on the best of terms after that weekend. My choice to keep Alexander and going directly against his “orders” and driving 200 miles with a friend to inform his parents they had a grandson on the way and his “request” that I find him the necessary paperwork to sign away any sort of fatherly rights he might have which would make him responsible for child support going unmet did not leave us on speaking terms.

Finally Alive
Introduction
The pregnancy was a scary and surreal experience; the turmoil of my relationship with my son’s father undoubtedly took a great toll on my mind and body during that time. About 2:30 one morning after a particularly bad argument with my son’s biological donor, my water broke. I tried calling my son’s father, no answer. I jumped in the shower, rinsed off, threw on some clothes and walked out of my room just as my roommate and very good friend walked into the apartment. “My water just broke” I told her, she simply did a 180 turn and held the door open for me.
Closing
My son became the joy of my life from the moment I held him in my arms on. Honestly, the first time I felt him move inside it felt like I was being tickled, and it made me laugh out loud. Even though life was dream like from pregnancy on, I had never felt so alive.

Joyously Sleepless
Introduction
My sleeping patterns have always been pretty chaotic at best, nonexistent at worst. Having my boy to keep on schedule helped, working helped, being exhausted beyond my ability to remain conscious at the end of the day helped, and the overwhelming joy was seductive. I had my son, life was hard, but I had my son.
Closing
As he grows, so do my hours of uninterrupted sleep, at least in theory. The joy has not ebbed, despite the illnesses, despite the circumstance, despite all else: the joy my son brings is all inclusive. There are still days when I feel like he is the only reason I get up in the morning, but those times fade as I gaze upon this beautiful little creature born of my body and soul.

One Last Try
Introduction
My son’s father and I tried counseling after he decided he would indeed be a part of Alexander’s life. He went from wanting nothing to do with either of us, to wanting to be a father to Alexander, to “please take me back” in a relatively short period of time. Counseling was required for that last and final chance. We worked on things for about a year before we got back together but he always was a yo-yo.
Closing
So, after our engagement and we entered into premarital counseling, during which I confronted him about the online chick he was begging to get to come out and see him. He swore up and down to me and the counselor there was nothing going on. Then I informed him I had read the IM’s and knew exactly what was going on. He was floored I would invade his privacy. When Asked if he was willing to put aside the “other women” and work on things with me he straight up answered no. I moved to Washington within a month from that day.