I was thinking today. I suppose I should really stop saying that as I never really stop thinking, shouldn't I.
I am a foul and cowardly woman, at times. Foul because I am cowardly and cowardly because I do not understand my own heart. A friend once told me that there would be a day when I would meet someone who terrified me because we shared an unmistakable connection and that terror would make me so happy. He also counseled me that it would happen where I was least looking, when I was too busy for it to be convenient and would throw the rest of my life into chaos.
Chaos… it seems to be a resounding theme as of late, like church bells tolling across the wind, rippling through fields of wild flowers and tall grass, unseen though their passing shakes the earth. Bound behind the eyes of those that manipulate it, dance among the pattern-less threads of universal communication while paradoxically being so finely specialized.
When I was little, I had a dream where a faceless shadow took my face in his hands and kissed me as if he were afraid I would break. It was an odd dream to have, kisses were things read of in fairy tales and I had never really thought of or foreseen them developing in my existence. Yet, this dream implanted itself in my mind and would raise itself up from the past on occasion as if asking, "Do you still remember?" and … the strangest thing has occurred, I awoke this morning with the taste of a kiss.
The nature of shadows is an interesting thing, they prove the solidarity of things, for the darker they are the stronger the object creating them. Shadows can never be torn from their creators; they are always linked, through the balance of light and dark, creator and creation. Shadows cannot exist without light but neither can they exist without obstruction. So it is with people.
Forever is an intimidating time span, especially if it seems there was a time before the present when things actually began forming. As if… one's spirit was carousing through the stars in preparation for it's debacle of empirical, bodily entrapment in hopes of retaining some sense of ethereal happiness.
I realize this is an extremely odd little blog I'm writing, and I expect maybe two people out in the world to read it and understand what is being said simply because they know me as well as they do. My apologies to the rest of you for being so obscure, lol.